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Birdlips, Spaghettifest, and Dying to the Self
By Billy | October 16, 2008
“I must have learned something from the blades of grass: to bend in the wind and let things pass.”
I have fallen in love with a band called Birdlips. I went and bought their album from iTunes just recently. Un. Be. Leivable.
I arrived at Spaghettifest with my friend Laura not long after it started. At first there was only 1 stage being used. Perhaps 30 people stood awkwardly in front of Secret Ninja Death Squad as they did their Screamo/Hardcore thing. I enjoyed it very much and met a new friend who is in love with Circle Takes the Square as much as I am — a rare find.
I was enjoying the beautiful people as a wandered around the HUGE Natural Chimneys camp-site. After returning to our (JMU Earth Club’s) specific camp site, I played with a puppy, met some more beautiful people, collected fire wood (it was VERY wet this weekend, and I was sure it would also be fairly cold. I was criticized, even by my friends, for trying to find wood in the rain, but thanked when night fell) ate some spilled salsa from the ground with a large group of people (Earth Club people are like me! I don’t feel like such a freak any more!) despite the rocks and dirt and grass we also consumed. Soon, I mosied my way over to the acoustic stage, which was now operating and making some lovely sounds.
Only a handful of people were sitting at the amphitheater for the Acoustic Stage. I guess people felt awkward sitting so close to the performers., too, since nobody was in the first three rows. When I first heard the sound of Birdlips, I walked to the front of the pack of people and sat myself down. This guys voice, his guitar, his girlfriend’s harmony, her keyboard/tambourine addition…. Augh! I have never been so captivated by music before. Granted, I had never really attended any good live music, let alone been submerged in a huge live music festival. Nonetheless, Birdlips are talented; this can’t be understated.
That I bought a T-Shirt should say enough about how much I liked ‘em. I don’t buy things these days, usually. (Except just recently a dress and a skirt that were both so amazingly perfect for me…)
ANYWAY. Much later, after I had finished really listening to music, I was sitting, soaking in the rain, under a faulty rain tarp, sitting next to a young man who would later sexually harass me, talking to many beautiful people, rather enjoying my environment but for the cold and misery……. When I look up and my friend is totally naked. Hmmm, I thought. She wasn’t naked when I last looked up. How odd.
Then I look to my right — More nakedness. Insane. It is WAY too cold to remove my jacket, I thought, let alone get naked and go run in the rain. “Aren’t you cold?” I ask stupidly. “Of Course!” A chorus of naked girls emerge from the dark and respond. I notice that I’m just about the minority being of the clothed type. I notice also that my friend is VERY close to removing her garments. I feel that tingle in the back of my mind that reminds me to figure out what I REALLY want to do.
I am already completely wet and totally cold. I envy the people before me for their comfort with their bodies and their acceptance of the occasion as a beautiful opportunity to cast off all their chains. This particular weekend, Spaghettifest in its entirety, has been a huge lesson for me — helping me to accept the weirdo natural soul that I am. I guess I wasn’t ready to cross the threshold that these people had.
I mention dying to the self in the title of this post because I realized that night that the only way for me to dance at a music festival in the rain and in the nude would be if I cold get closer to truly letting my true self break free from my mundane and physical self. What I needed to do was break free of all social constructs that say running around naked in the rain is weird or wrong; what I needed to be was free. As far as the physical restrictions go, I am sure I would have survived unscathed after running in the freezing cold rain. I am sure I would have looked back at that moment with pride and joy. I am sure if I could have let go of the concept of ideal happiness and enjoyed the perfect happiness in every moment, I would be writing about how I DID run naked, rather than wanted to. I am learning more and more every day that it is necessary to die to your “self” and embrace your REAL self — the one that is intimately connected to and part of the living universe, the living God, the Tao, and Brahman.
So here I write, hoping I have learned that lesson more fully. When my next chance to be free comes around, I hope and pray I have the strength to open the cage that has been unlocked from day 1, emerge from my bondage, and be.
Topics: Philosophy, Utterly Random |
2 Responses to “Birdlips, Spaghettifest, and Dying to the Self”
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October 25th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Always follow your heart (just like you did) and trust that when the time is right, you won’t have to even THINK about doing it (whatever “IT” may be) - you will KNOW that you want to.
You want to do it all NOW … trust (there’s that word again) that it will ALL come when the time is right.
How sage I sound, eh? No one (but you) would know that beneath these words lies a dorky 12 year old wearing old lady cat glasses, hey?
Sending love (and a package in the mail this week).
PPOL
April 19th, 2009 at 5:51 pm
[...] This is a real quick update on a topic I posted about a while back. Here is the post! [...]