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Birdlips, Spaghettifest, and Dying to the Self
By Billy | October 16, 2008
“I must have learned something from the blades of grass: to bend in the wind and let things pass.”
I have fallen in love with a band called Birdlips. I went and bought their album from iTunes just recently. Un. Be. Leivable.
I arrived at Spaghettifest with my friend Laura not long after it started. At first there was only 1 stage being used. Perhaps 30 people stood awkwardly in front of Secret Ninja Death Squad as they did their Screamo/Hardcore thing. I enjoyed it very much and met a new friend who is in love with Circle Takes the Square as much as I am — a rare find.
I was enjoying the beautiful people as a wandered around the HUGE Natural Chimneys camp-site. After returning to our (JMU Earth Club’s) specific camp site, I played with a puppy, met some more beautiful people, collected fire wood (it was VERY wet this weekend, and I was sure it would also be fairly cold. I was criticized, even by my friends, for trying to find wood in the rain, but thanked when night fell) ate some spilled salsa from the ground with a large group of people (Earth Club people are like me! I don’t feel like such a freak any more!) despite the rocks and dirt and grass we also consumed. Soon, I mosied my way over to the acoustic stage, which was now operating and making some lovely sounds.
Only a handful of people were sitting at the amphitheater for the Acoustic Stage. I guess people felt awkward sitting so close to the performers., too, since nobody was in the first three rows. When I first heard the sound of Birdlips, I walked to the front of the pack of people and sat myself down. This guys voice, his guitar, his girlfriend’s harmony, her keyboard/tambourine addition…. Augh! I have never been so captivated by music before. Granted, I had never really attended any good live music, let alone been submerged in a huge live music festival. Nonetheless, Birdlips are talented; this can’t be understated.
That I bought a T-Shirt should say enough about how much I liked ‘em. I don’t buy things these days, usually. (Except just recently a dress and a skirt that were both so amazingly perfect for me…)
ANYWAY. Much later, after I had finished really listening to music, I was sitting, soaking in the rain, under a faulty rain tarp, sitting next to a young man who would later sexually harass me, talking to many beautiful people, rather enjoying my environment but for the cold and misery……. When I look up and my friend is totally naked. Hmmm, I thought. She wasn’t naked when I last looked up. How odd.
Then I look to my right — More nakedness. Insane. It is WAY too cold to remove my jacket, I thought, let alone get naked and go run in the rain. “Aren’t you cold?” I ask stupidly. “Of Course!” A chorus of naked girls emerge from the dark and respond. I notice that I’m just about the minority being of the clothed type. I notice also that my friend is VERY close to removing her garments. I feel that tingle in the back of my mind that reminds me to figure out what I REALLY want to do.
I am already completely wet and totally cold. I envy the people before me for their comfort with their bodies and their acceptance of the occasion as a beautiful opportunity to cast off all their chains. This particular weekend, Spaghettifest in its entirety, has been a huge lesson for me — helping me to accept the weirdo natural soul that I am. I guess I wasn’t ready to cross the threshold that these people had.
I mention dying to the self in the title of this post because I realized that night that the only way for me to dance at a music festival in the rain and in the nude would be if I cold get closer to truly letting my true self break free from my mundane and physical self. What I needed to do was break free of all social constructs that say running around naked in the rain is weird or wrong; what I needed to be was free. As far as the physical restrictions go, I am sure I would have survived unscathed after running in the freezing cold rain. I am sure I would have looked back at that moment with pride and joy. I am sure if I could have let go of the concept of ideal happiness and enjoyed the perfect happiness in every moment, I would be writing about how I DID run naked, rather than wanted to. I am learning more and more every day that it is necessary to die to your “self” and embrace your REAL self — the one that is intimately connected to and part of the living universe, the living God, the Tao, and Brahman.
So here I write, hoping I have learned that lesson more fully. When my next chance to be free comes around, I hope and pray I have the strength to open the cage that has been unlocked from day 1, emerge from my bondage, and be.
Topics: Philosophy, Utterly Random |
October 25th, 2008 at 8:23 pm
Always follow your heart (just like you did) and trust that when the time is right, you won’t have to even THINK about doing it (whatever “IT” may be) - you will KNOW that you want to.
You want to do it all NOW … trust (there’s that word again) that it will ALL come when the time is right.
How sage I sound, eh? No one (but you) would know that beneath these words lies a dorky 12 year old wearing old lady cat glasses, hey?
Sending love (and a package in the mail this week).
PPOL
December 22nd, 2008 at 7:52 am
A wise man once said, “They say that hindsight is 20/20, but it almost never is. Hindsight is clouded with fear that makes our ’should haves’ and ‘could haves’ obvious. With true hindsight we realize why we chose the path we did, and understand.”
Lisa is very right, the mere fact that you felt uncomfortable is reason enough not to! The journey to self discovery isn’t about the destination, it’s about the path there, right? So just because you’re not at the point where you want to run around naked with strangers in freezing rain doesn’t mean anything bad!
–melissa