Stumbleupon Created another New Post-Type
By Billy | September 14, 2009
So. I stumbled upon a controversial six word story tonight. (At: http://www.sixwordstories.net/)
It reads, “Five Zombies. Four bullets. Two Zombies.” Did the protagonist shoot four zombies and succumb to the plague as the remaining zombie’s victim, or did they shoot three into zombies and one into themselves, preventing their own undead actions. We’ll never know.
I will probably post random snippets of XWordStories, since I have godly powers in this little WordPress domain that I have created for myself, and that game would please me.
I shall try one with six tonight, or perhaps a story of six words per sentence, or perhaps I’ll get carried off into another rant. Who knows. I’m going to try what feels right. In the future, they might not even have an introduction. 😀
The sunset held his new home.
The birds mocked his restless heart.
Though gravity binds us, we’re free.
If your heart says go, go!
If you’re not quite sure, pray.
Look down. Feet. Look forward. Destiny.
I think I shall submit the conclusion of that 6×6 story. 😀
Happy day!
Topics: Utterly Random, XWordStories | Comments Off on Stumbleupon Created another New Post-Type
I know you’re out there
By Billy | September 13, 2009
I used to wake up an hour earlier than usual before elementary school and high school — perhaps once a month, sometimes every day for a week or two. I’d go running. I remember beginning the conversation, “OK. Hi, God. Let’s talk.” These were fairly simple conversations, I thought. Conversations that were very one sided. I thought. God sat on his cloud and hadn’t really spoken to anyone in about 2,305 years. I thought.
After I ran a few miles without a particular direction (which so clearly mimics my life: going someplace I don’t know where, but not taking my time while doing it), I’d return home, tired and sweaty. Then, I thought.
Those conversations invariably held words like, “what am I doing?” “where am I supposed to go?” “help me find my…” “why haven’t you…!”
I am still unsure of where I am going, and I’m still moving fast. The differences are that now I realize the two-way nature of the conversation. I appreciate the responses I get, as ineffable, frustratingly vague (gah! ;P ), painfully disarming, rudely awakening, and completely open ended as they are. I appreciate them, and I am thankful for them.
Beyond that, I also have begun to realize the profundity of the time I have left in this worldly body. If you’re reading this, you are alive. Take a deep breath and let that resonate in your skull for a moment. You. Are. Alive.
Alive. Thinking. Capable. Strong. You are these, and I am too.
I want to say that this is a ‘once in a lifetime opportunity.’ FALSE. This is a possibility that comes once in infinite numbers of lifetimes. An opportunity to do what, you ask? Anything! The things you didn’t think were in the realm of your possibilities, the things you’ve been afraid to tell people you want to do, the things you were told you couldn’t, shouldn’t, or wouldn’t do.
This is life. This is LIFE. This IS life. THIS is life. Look. This is your one chance. Really. The time you’re spending looking at these pixels… Right this very second.
I have grown weary of the emptiness I feel when I ask God/the universe/myself, “What am I going to do with my life.” The answer has simultaneously avoided me, begged me to chase it, and revealed itself to me in every moment of every day.
What am I going to do with my life? Whatever I want to do. I am prepared fully to follow my soulcall with reckless abandon.
What am I going to do with my life? Live.
Topics: This is my life | Comments Off on I know you’re out there
Quotes, the first installment.
By Billy | September 7, 2009
Perhaps I’ll upload quotes I like. I happened to speak this one and want other people to read it.
“Embracing and trusting the artist within it is one of the most worthwhile investments a human can make.”
Topics: Philosophy | Comments Off on Quotes, the first installment.
On being sick
By Billy | August 31, 2009
Sometimes we face tests in the form of gross sickness but to smile and to bless takes a weight off of your chest. At first I felt defeated; the answer was not greeted with the joy that it so needed, for I was too conceited and my soul call wasn’t heeded. This feeling is a G-d, showing us it’s power while reminding us to flower despite the ugly hour. We learn from this right now or we never learn at all, as we ignore the call while remaining in our ball. The faint voice down the hall, of the loving gentle friend, reminding us to bend and to simply not pretend enhances our awareness of how we’ve been so careless and so I need to share this lesson I’ve been learning. My forehead might be burning, but the gears are slowly turning, reaching for that yearning, that’s why my stomach’s churning. Again the board will read, attend to what you need, your heart and passions feed, they will not mislead. At first I felt disgusting, t’was but foolery and lusting, my seams are nearly busting, just keep being trusting. Respect has been given from the start, it’s natural; a beating heart, it’s sometimes brutish, sometimes smart, but always, always there. Realize, realize, realize. You are worthy, you. You are deserving, you are perfect. Realize. Realize you.
Thank you universe, for germs and bacteria, and spoiled milk, or rotten food, or champagne well past its prime. Thank you for the tools to feel, and brain to realize when it’s time. Thank you, friend, for laying down, and sharing life with me. Thank you for the obvious, which I often don’t see.
Topics: Philosophy, poetry, This is my life | Comments Off on On being sick
The dragon, the griffin, and the Phoenix
By Billy | August 24, 2009
The road was treacherous. Broken. Thin…
The straight parts crooked,
The wide parts thin.
The dragon of pride and the griffin of weakness clashed an epic tempest.
I did not give in.
Neither one could win.
The dark and dreary, often weary, sometimes cheery — but always the parts that fear me — those chambers in my mind constantly competed, leaving us defeated ’til the battle was completed.
Amidst these rhymes and metaphors are secrets I am better for and whom I write these letters for. These things that I have learned and the patience I have earned and the ways the roads have turned and the bridges I have burned…
These things have fallen into place and slapped me in the face and welcomed me to grace.
They are because of you (and you)… and me. And I thank you for walking this road with me and helping me see that in the “broken” there is beauty.
—
I didn’t change any piece of this from the original writing, and I don’t intend on doing so. There are parts I could alter to make it more pleasing to the societally constructed rules of aesthetics, but I felt the way I felt and I wrote the way I wrote. I will explain parts that don’t make sense as requested. If you’re reading this, I wrote it to YOU. Please realize your importance, your loveliness, and your capabilities. We are not weak.
Topics: poetry, This is my life | Comments Off on The dragon, the griffin, and the Phoenix
I am a human
By Billy | July 2, 2009
Because I am human
I seem to perceive
this life as just linear
and “me” as just me
because I am human
I try to believe
in words like, “I’m okay.”
and, “please let me be.”
because I am human
the distance seems far
between where we will be
and already are
because I am human
Hmh… privacy
a concept I cherish
and guard jealously
because I am human
I mourn at the sight:
the long road before me
and what was last night
because I am human
I stamp my feet down
and say, “watch out world,
I’m holding my ground.”
Because I am human
it hurts to go back
to retrace my steps
to get back on track
because I am human
the world won’t make sense
so now you’re my neighbor
and we need a fence
because I’m a human
I made those mistakes
so, “just keep on trying,
for that’s what it takes.”
Because I am human,
our family divides
and though barefoot and thumbs up,
we offer no rides
because I am human
I ran from my past
hoping my mistakes
won’t travel as fast
because I’m a human
I’m already there
“there’s a spot by the fire,
please pull up a chair.”
because I am human
I don’t feel relaxed
and so I keep walking
and holding my axe
Because I am human
I’m learning to sit
and quiet my mind
and come to peace with it.
Topics: poetry | Comments Off on I am a human
Amazing Sand Art
By Billy | June 30, 2009
I don’t speak Russian very well. I can barely decipher the Cyrillic alphabet these days. Luckily, this art (like art usually does) completely transcends language. Not a word needs to be spoken or read to be touched by this.
I enjoyed the slow strings version of Nothing Else Matters by Metallica around 7:25, too.
Anyway. I thought someone might enjoy that.
Topics: Utterly Random | Comments Off on Amazing Sand Art
A Poem (meta)phor Me!
By Billy | June 29, 2009
The hunger pangs ache
Sustenance is plentiful
Why do I not eat?
Topics: poetry | Comments Off on A Poem (meta)phor Me!
Nothing To Do But Exist
By Billy | June 29, 2009
“I think if I had one second in your brain, I would completely implode,” she said.
“Yeah, man, can I make a documentary about… just you? That would be the sweetest thing ever. We can just drive wherever and I’ll give you complete freedom as long as when I say it’s time to move on, we do. I can totally get us a sponsor. Your brain is fuckin’ ridiculous.”
This is my life. Oh Me! I just realized… This IS my life. (I’ve realized that a million and a half times. Someday I’m going to realize it.) For now I’ll just have a momentary freak out, that tastes somewhat like rotten/fermented watermelon and carry on with my unrealized mediocre life. I’ll go to sleep and dream about zombies or something, wake up mad at myself for being useless while I sleep (and doing it for so damned long) laze about for most of the morning, check my e-mail more times than necessary, slip down most of the stairs, eat some free range eggs from a nearby farm, and wait until my next feeding time. When all is said and done, I’ll start the whole thing over again.
This is my life. I am constantly waiting, but completely into every step of the way. I’ve read Thich Nhat Hanh, I’ve read Lao-Tzu. I’ve read Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Josiah, David, Solomon. I’ve read Mahavira, I’ve read Gandhi. I’ve hugged myself and wept, I’ve seen “someone” for ‘this.’ I’ve taken the steps, I’ve painted my feelings. I’ve breathed, I’ve flown, I’ve fallen, I’ve peaked, I’ve transcended, disappeared, become, existed, hugged, loved, lost, found, hurt, healed, learned, forgotten, played, worked, lead, followed, harmonized, clashed, spoken, listened, attempted, succeeded, failed. I’ve died. But no, I have never lived.
This is my life. I search for it in other things — in noble things, nonetheless. How pitiful. How tricksy of me. How vile. This is my life: you, your gorgeous eyes, your home, your family, the strangers you’ve never met, and everything they care about. This is my life: everything but me and what I need.
I understand in percentages and I think in a dimension I only understand 13% of. I. wont. shut. off. My most relaxing moments have occurred while I’ve laid in place and realized the complexity in things. My most relaxing thought has been that I will never understand anything, and the immensity and immediacy of the prospect of trying. I only get this one shot.
My quiet place makes me cry.
I’d never wish this on anyone, I think, when my friends and sometimes lovers look at me with non-comprehension. My mind doesn’t make sense to them, and I can’t describe the negative-space-yellow-triangle that seems to be my thought right now, so I will just hold hands for now to get the point out. If you only knew! If I only knew! Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of. If you knew, I’d have to know. If I knew, I’d have to accept a lot more than I’m ready to. (More than I want to)
I’d never watch a documentary about myself. I’d never recommend anyone else watch it, either. Perhaps it, too, needs a disclaimer. (I come with a disclaimer, nowadays, Me damn it.)
—
“Please note by watching this piece, you are becoming stupider. Any amount of information you believe you have earned, learned, or retained in the next X hours, is actually kernels of anti-knowledge, destroying your very comprehension of the universe. You. won’t. get. it. Neither do we.”
—
(You especially won’t get me)
I imagine it would be in black and white, and I imagine it would be pieced together more than any piece of film ever created. Years of filming to create a 1.3 hours documentary where the wisest thing I say is a vague metaphor and incomprehensible simile.
A lot of “what if’s” come into my mind. A lot of them get squashed before they leave the box. Dust flies when I do so. I don’t know what that means, but it exhausts me to think of it and completely removes my motivation to write further. Hey, it’s feeding time…
Topics: Nonfiction, Philosophy, This is my life, Utterly Random, Works of Fiction | Comments Off on Nothing To Do But Exist
A Stupid Timekiller After My Hiatus
By Billy | June 21, 2009
Okay. So my life has been moving at the speed of light. I’ve been too busy living (and often away from a computer) my life to sit down and write anything about life.
That said, I have decided to start doing stupid little posts about random interesting things I find. I have recently fallen in love with Boston.com’s “big picture” dealie. That’s where I found out about what I thought was always a mytical sport that didn’t actually exist (like quiddich, hurling, etc.) but it does. People in the UK legimately do run down steep hills for sport. The prize is the piece of cheese they chased down the hill, and usually a consolation prize is a concussion and/or broken bones.
It happened about a month ago in May 2009.
Enjoy the video, check out the photos.
And some fiiiine photos.
Topics: humor, Utterly Random | Comments Off on A Stupid Timekiller After My Hiatus
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