WCot[ATF]! Installation #3: Sinfest
By Billy | September 4, 2008
So my dear friend Adella has ruined my life forever. Yes, she has already been a wonderful help in my spiritual growth, but she has honestly sucked my soul out of my body and given it to satans most devious incarnation. Stumbleupon.com is perhaps the greatest/worst thing ever. I want my life back!
My spirit tells me that I’m supposed to do homework instead of wasting so much time online. This will be a major challenge this semester. <sigh>
Okay. Well I have been using Stumble! to kill time since it gives me informative pages relative to my interests, spreading from pages about Shamanism, photography, artists, and nerd stuff. I just stumbled across this comic and thought it was kinda funny.
Here you guys go. Sinfest:
Topics: Comic of the [ATF] | 2 Comments »
“You Will Be Challenged but Not Like Before”
By Billy | September 2, 2008
Before I came down to start my junior year in college and my first year at James Madison University, my mentor and good friend, Lisa told me that I was going to be challenged down here in Harrisonburg. She spoke on behalf of my angels when she told me that I have been preparing for this life for many lives before and that I shouldn’t hesitate to fill the shoes like my spirit has been planning for me to do for centuries. This sort of encouragement fills me with all sorts of ridiculous mixed emotions. If I am to do great things in this life, I’d better go nuts learning as much as I can to better prepare for that, right?
I guess not. Today is the beginning of Ramadan for countless people around the world. Today was the beginning of my time to start Ramadan as well. I had been guided to participate in the festivities like any other participant, by not eating or drinking while the sun is up, or unwholesomely enjoying myself for the rest of the month. As I began the festivities, i.e. skipping breakfast, I had already spent a while feeling that the entire practice doesn’t resonate with my spirit as much as I had hoped it would, or as much as it did a week ago.
What’s the deal, spirit? Why is my intuition so shaky? Why do I feel inspired for one thing, then drop it the second I start? Am I that weak-hearted? No. I just spent a full day fasting and a good 22 hours saying virtually nothing. I have strength and I know it’s there. What’s the deal?
So I text my lovely friend Adella last night. I need help understanding the way to make a religious sacrifice without doing so grudgingly. When I participated in Lent, I always felt the reasons arbitrary, and the effect was that I became more resentful than humbled. Adella and I met for lunch to discuss how to observe these things with the right frame of mind.
“It’s a change of heart, not something external. You need to look at why you’re doing this and get your answer from yourself. I’m sure you can do that…” Thanks Adella, that was a nice compliment but I KNEW THAT ALREADY! I just want you to make my opinion change for me so I don’t have to do all the work.
Then she said something that made me think. “Look at it day by day,” she said. “If you don’t want to do Ramadan one day, then don’t do it. That will make the month seem less like a giant looming and make each day more manageable.” Good point. On top of that, I thought to myself, I wonder if I’ve been stretching myself too thin. I have just finished a day of silence and fasting, I intend on doing that more often, and I will be spending a day completely blind very soon. Is all this too much? Am I extending beyond my means?
So I took a bite of an apple. It was perhaps the best apple (well, the best red one… ) that I have ever eaten. Thank you, universe, for providing such lovely apples today — or was it only tasty now that I appreciate food more due to all this darn fasting?
We went back to Adella’s room to hang out for a bit and I had a moment, so I consulted with my spirit and came to the realization that I was, in fact, guided to practice Ramadan specifically so that I would learn how necessary it is for me to be balanced at this point in my life. Yes, I have some big work to do in this life, but no, I can’t just push the pedal to the metal or I’ll rip my engine out of the chassis!
I suppose my Ramadan obsession in conjunction with my 4 Apple 1 Orange lunch with Adella was designed to reinforce Lao Tzu’s idea that a good traveler makes no plans and is not intent on arriving. I have been making far too many plans and looking forward to arriving at an unknown destination. It’s time for me to sit back and let the Tao come and sweep me off my feet. I vaguely remember receiving some guidance that balancing my activities and emotional self / not stretching myself too thin would be a major challenge for me at this stage of my life. I guess it’s time to reflect on that. I love how the universe put that lesson in my brain on the same day as the Club Fair happens on campus — when all the clubs show their appealing selves to me and try to get me to join!
Take care guys. 
Topics: Uncategorized | 3 Comments »
A Koan (?) and a Band Name
By Billy | September 1, 2008
Koan doesn’t rhyme with known or full blown, rhymes with….. well it’s like this: “koh enn”
A cliche koan is, “what is the sound of one hand clapping?” or “if a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound?”
I was walking today and this thought came to me. What is enlightenment? Enlightenment is an itch on your foot that tickles to scratch? This itch is also Tao, btw.
I don’t know if that’s really a koan, but it’s true, so I’m putting it up anyway.
The main reason I’m making this post is because I thought of another really cool band name.
I don’t know what genre this would be, but my band name could be, “Divinely Rational Fractal” I have to go to class now, but I think I have a picture of some of those. You nerds probably know what these are.
Anyway. I’ll edit this with a picture after my class and my meeting!
Happy Ramadan everyone!
PS Here’s the best picture I have of some Divinely Rational Fractals. If anyone wants to enhance this with some post processing, please be my guest and show me what you get!
Topics: Uncategorized | No Comments »
A Piece of Nonfiction: Boat Trip
By Billy | August 31, 2008
So I’ve been guided by my spirits that it’s okay for me to release some of the weight I’ve been carrying around for a while in a public setting. I write on Rumbelow constantly about how happiness is right there in front of you and all you need to do is grasp it, but I fail to do so for myself in some of the more vital areas of my own life. The second half of the night I am portraying below will be worked into the Story of Brahman, since Mr. Trunkenkuss is going to hitchhike his way to wherever he’s trying to go, or from whatever he’s trying to escape. Anyway. Here it is. I hope the enjoyment you receive from this is inversely proportional to that with which I experienced it:
Boat Trip
Why does she always hit me? She practically begs me to spend every waking minute with her, then she spends the vast majority of that time being angry with and abusive towards me. This was the last straw. The moment she pulled out the fists, I decided to stand up for myself. This time is the last time it will happen.
I thought this trip would be in the best interest for all of us. She wants to spend time with me; I want to make her happy. My family and I both want this trip to happen and I really thought it would be a good opportunity to get her to start actually liking and appreciating my family.
Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am now in god-knows-where, VA, moving west. Barefoot and dirty, I followed the sunset till she faded. Now I follow the moon. Why am I doing this? I’ve answered that question a million different ways in these past 3 hours. I’m walking away because I can’t make anyone happy back there; I’m useless. I’m walking to distract myself from the vicious and dangerous thoughts that plague me aboard my grandparent’s boat. I’m walking to ignore the problems to which I know all of the solutions. I’m walking away from my life, when part of me knows that all I need to do is walk out of hers.
The universe was kind enough to place some rope on the side of the road for me. How nice. This might come in handy if I need to pitch a tent or stow some food. I’ll keep this in case anything needs to be strung up, hung up, or hanged.
What was this fight about, anyway? God. I can’t even remember. It’s never anything substantial. I probably spent too much time talking to my dad and ignoring her. This whole trip has been one problem for her after another. My grumpy grandfather, debasing father, smelly dog, the cramped boat… I should have known that these ingredients, whether real or imagined, would be a deadly combination. It seems that by the time we had settled in at the marina and she was able to get out of the boat, the levee was already broken.
I know she had problems feeling liked and I really hate to blame the victim here, but the slapping and the punishments are not really winning her any points. She’s finally pushed me over the edge: I’m leaving everything, not looking back. She estranges me from my family and friends so much that vacations and get-togethers are entirely non-beneficial, forced, and phony, and then she goes and demolishes all reasons for me to stick with her. I thought I could stay with her until she was more independent, more self confident; a happier person. I thought the abuse was part of my trials in this cause. I thought it would be worth it.
No. She has been quite literally beating it into me that she doesn’t want me around. No wonder she is so alone. No wonder people made fun of her for her entire life. No wonder she has no one else but me… No wonder she is so fucking ridiculous at dealing with her problems. Shit. This is a loop that’s not going to end with more people doing the same things to her. This is where I am supposed to be the better person and do the right thing. This is where I choose to leave my life on hold. This is where I swallow my self respect and dignity for the good of someone who doesn’t give a damn about me. This is when I should start mentally preparing myself for the shame filled crawl-back-and-apologize bit.
This is when I turn around and hold my thumb up. This is just one of countless mistakes of its kind.
Topics: Nonfiction | No Comments »
The Greatest of All Things
By Billy | August 28, 2008
When I was a Freshman in high school, I wore a chain necklace around my neck. The chain held three rings on it; each with some sentimental value to me of some kind. People would joke with me, “Oh, it’s like the lord of the rings.” The chain was given to me by a friend in 8th grade. One of the rings I had personally cut from a brass pipe. Another was one of those 5$ rings you get at target that starts to cut into your fingers after a week, by which time it’s thoroughly rusted. He neither wore it nor knew I had it. The third ring was one of the key rings people use to hold their keys together. I wore a gift around my neck, holding something I had made, something I had shamefully stolen, and something I had found on the ground.
“No,” I would reply, “these stand for the only things I am ever sure of in my life: Faith, hope, and love.” Clearly, this is a fairly Christian sentiment to say the least. (Ha Ha Ha; “All You Need Is Love” just came on my itunes…)
I would like to boastfully point out that I did, in fact, come to the realization on my own that all things may be merely an illusion and that everything we do have, assuming they are real, can be ripped from our clutches at any moment. I think one metaphysical step below revering these ideals is the sentiment held in one of my favoritest quotes of all time (and I like a lot of quotes, so that’s saying something!) It’s spoken by the Magician, Merlyn, in T.H. White’s The Sword in the Stone. You can find the full quote with relevant points HERE, but it is summed up in the first words: “The best thing for being sad is to learn.” As Descartes points out, we only know for sure what we think. Hold on to what you know for sure.
If we can only be sure about what we think and feel (not physically feel, btw) then let’s make sure we think and feel the right things. That’s where faith, hope, and love come in. Why not? What scares you so much about believing in things you can’t see? (Holy crap! itunes can seriously read my mind. This one is perfect for how I’m feeling right now). Even if there were scientific fallacy in faith, why are you letting science twist your arm, so? Faith are quite in sync, the way I see it. These things build off of and compliment eachother. From love they grow, and love is what they reinforce. Hooray for positive feedback loops.
So why is this on my mind right now? Well besides my positively inspiring new friends, I just watched a quite touching movie last night. (With, I should add, one of those inspiring friends ) If you have never seen Into the Wild, go buy some tea, find a comfy blanket, and go watch it. A companion would be nice as well. I don’t want to give a review so much as just leave you with a clip of the film that captured my heart. As it turns out, the actor in the film is the real deal, not just portraying a character.
You really believe in love, then.
So. Extremely disorganized post coming to an end.. Adella, if you happen to come across this for some reason (extreme boredom doesn’t seem likely this early in the year, but just in case…) I’m makin’ a shout out to you. Thanks for the inspiration, the movie, and showing me a new fun way to enjoy green tea.
As for everyone else reading this, your homework is to go do something to make someones day a little brighter. Then do it again to the next person you see.
Take care guys. I promise to try and be more focused and purposeful next time, I think.
Topics: Utterly Random | 4 Comments »
Installment #2 of The Web Comic of the [Arbitrary Time Frame]!
By Billy | August 25, 2008
PHEW. I think I’m going to call that, TWCot[ATF]! because that’s so much simpler than writing out the entire title! I’ll refer to it as both for a while and slowly ease you guys off until you are all about the acronyms. My family is notorious and nefarious for and with acronyms. My dad has a long list of TLAs (Three Letter Acronyms) with which he annoys people quite frequently.
Today I bring you to the wonderful world of XKCD. The site was called this as the author realized that net-real-estate was going fast. All possible combination of 3 letters with a .com, .net, or .org ending had been registered… Knowing this, and not caring what the website was called, XKCDs author wrote a program to come up with possible 4 letter combinations for a domain name, and tried them all out until he found one that is available. XKCD was the first thing to pop up.
Already you can see that this author is a huge nerd. Appropriately, the comic is largely geared to nerds such as myself. There are also very cute romance comics and other random strips thrown about.
Having just moved into a new and internet free place, I think this more recent strip is highly appropriate. I have been in this position many times, and know multitudes of others who know the feeling.
Here’s the strip: Hint: If you go to the website, you can hover your mouse over the image to see funny commentary from the author. For some reason, my copypasta makes the commentary abbreviated and therefore entirely (mostly?) pointless.
Topics: Comic of the [ATF], Utterly Random | No Comments »
Let Us Be Hasty: A Poem (or a prayer?)
By Billy | August 24, 2008
So I’ve been too busy living my life to sit and write about it. That’s my excuse for the week+ hiatus. No, really? The truth is that my proximity to a computer has been minimal and my computer has been without internet for a few days. I have officially moved into my new room, met some wonderful teachers (not the kind that require textbooks, but the one’s that teach me REAL stuff) and have been just plain old enjoying myself. I’ll cut to the chase and throw a poem that turned out to be a prayer at you. I hope you enjoy.
Let us be hasty
and go run in the rain.
Let us be hasty
to shrug off all the pain.
Let us be hasty
to learn and love and live
and use alliteration
like no one ever did.
Let us be hasty
and let our feelings free.
Let us be hasty
to sit and simply be.
We’ve wasted too much time already
getting ready, moving steady.
Let’s break out of this old mold.
Let us love the lives we hold.
Let us finally look and see
the bonds are broken; we are free.
The gate could never even close,
we could leave here if we chose.
Let us make that quick decision
and pursue that fleeting vision.
Let’s ignore all rhymes and reasons,
let’s embrace the changing seasons.
Let’s be blessed and let us bless,
let’s embrace our happiness.
If any of you (all 4 of you) have any questions, I will more than happily explain. I don’t think this one is too cryptic, though. Hope you enjoyed!
(P.S. Note that this has been tagged “Buddha-nature.” If you felt that there MIGHT have been a deeper meaning to some of the lines, particularly about the chains, gates, etc., apply what I have to say about Buddha-nature to those lines.)
Topics: Philosophy, poetry | 4 Comments »
Broken Promises Without Regrets
By Billy | August 12, 2008
On vacation with the family this past weekend, I decided to make officially mine a few ideas I have. Namely, band names. Apparently, posting my ideas on my blog makes them officially mine and nobody can legally steal them, soooo…
This post will be more random than any I’ve ever done before, so if you’re looking for something actually entertaining, please go to the older posts
If I were to be a famous rapper, I would certainly be The Nefarious Biggie Fries.
However, my Doom, Sludge, or Post Metal band would without a doubt be called Nights of the Apocalyspe.
I am sad to find that my idea of the Thrash, Punk, Noise, or Skram band named Slaughtermelon is already, indeed, existent. Punk, it is. 
The post rock/punk band I’d make would have to be You are Brahman! to fit in with my ridiculous peer band names that are only cool if they have exclamation marks in them. On top of that, it carries a meaningful message.
Well, that’s all. I’m, sadly, caught up with Questionable Content and must wait for more strips like all the other readers. :( What will I do with my extra 8 hours now??? Oh, well, I only have 3 of these days left.
Till next time.
P.S. Todays title refers to my “I’m never going to put a really quick and useless post up” promise.
Topics: Utterly Random | 3 Comments »
Questionable Content: Webcomic of the [Arbitrary Time Frame]!
By Billy | August 6, 2008
No, I don’t have a Comic of the Week section for Rumbelow… And, honestly, I doubt it will continue this at all… I have found that for the next couple of weeks, I have several long and empty hours in my day, and while Last.fm and methodological doubt are good pass-times, I do tend to get bored. (Is there even an I to get bored? What if boredom is a concept I dreamt up and doesn’t actually exist? Oh, wait. This post is about a comic strip, not methological doubt. HAR HAR HAR. I know.) I think the effects of this ridiculous boredom are temporary, but extremely apparent.
<For some reason, I can’t hold back from mentioning that I saw a woman getting off the train today wearing an amazing hat not dissimilar to this. Being the luddite that I am (with little-to-no care for gender boundaries when considering clothing) I was instantly in love with the hat and insanely jealous of the lady. Just for a second though. :D I think it had a feather and everything, which seems weird to wear on the metro.>
In other news; our top story, actually… I have run across a wonderful web comic called Questionable Content. Right from the get-go you can see that the humor is not always PG, and after reading that first strip again, I don’t know why I decided, “yes, I will read more of this comic strip.” Or how I ended up 500 strips later, but I can’t deny that this has stolen hours from my life. In any case, my brother and I are both addicted to this — and I am so in love with his robot that I’m I am tempted to purchase merchandise from the artist. The main character is about as socially awkward as I imagine myself to be, and twice as annoying with his overt expression of his tastes in music. Many of the bands mentioned are ones I like, and many more that I’ve never heard of. They inspired me to make a Pandora station with The Flaming Lips as the seed artist, which was entirely worth while (I have since been introduced to various other bands I’d heard of but never really listened to). I can’t understand their (or my girlfriend’s) (sorry, babe!) obsession with The Fiery Furnaces, but that’s okay. I do, after all, like the genre known as Fantasy Metal the characters poke fun of at one point, so I shouldn’t speak.
Anyway, I mentioned at one point that I created this blog with helping you kill time as one of the motives. If nothing else, read this silly comic strip and help me achieve my goal. 
You can read all of Questionable Content here! Woooooo!
The-th-thee-the-the-thee-the-th-That’s all, folks!
Topics: Comic of the [ATF], Utterly Random | 5 Comments »
Jumping Before, After, and Into Monism
By Billy | July 29, 2008
Okay, universe. You can slow down any second now. Great. I am at the crunch time now: school is right around the corner and work is getting busier. This means that I don’t relax during the work-day, and have very few days to fill in dinner-dates with so many friends that I’ll not see for a very long time. Sad face! D:
That doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten you, my faithful reader! (Okay, so maybe there’s two of you) I’ve been outstandingly busy lately, and I’m sorry I’ve neglected you. I know you’re so interested in what’s happening in my life! (If you’re not, I’ve included a poem below as a reward/incentive for reading)
I’m still working on reading my first real book about Energy Healing— trying my best to absorb as much as possible about Chakras as I can. I noticed as I studied Buddhism and Taoism that the first few attempts at reading hardly stuck at all. I’m certain if I went back and read the Buddhism: Pure and Simple or The Tao of Pooh again, (which is probably a good idea…) I’d learn things that I missed completely upon first reading them. Such is the way we (I, at least) learn. As I read more, I hope to pick up on what the common themes are, and it will eventually stick. As I talk to Lisa, she will casually say, “Oh such and such gets me so charged up! 3rd Chakra energy is quite powerful stuff, isnt it??) and all I can do is hope that someday this Chakra and that Chakra sort of info will be second nature to me. I presume it will happen, just as I can relate a Buddhist Sutra (or at least a principle expressed therein) to most conversations—especially one religious in nature.
Well, I don’t suppose this journey I’m on and talking about it entirely interesting to most people, so I’ll cut it out for now. It is partially for me, since I will enjoy looking over my old posts and seeing where I was compared to where where I am.
Today’s poem is called Jumping Before Trains and has a bit of an explanation afterward, if you care at all to know what I’m actually referring to (at least on some level).
I kill myself each day
but wake up just the same.
With the same old hands
and same old name.
The scars; they go away
when night yields for the day.
the longing
doesn’t sway
I wake up just like every other;
just like you. I am your brother.
I’m your friend
and I’m your lover.
I’m your shield,
I’m your cover
I’m your fiendish adversary
everything that you find scary.
I’m the one from whom you hide
the reasons that you always cried.
Then again, I am the sun,
the moon, the stars,
the sky.
I am Venus. I am Mars.
Never born, I never die.
I’m the north star
and the cross.
I’m the needle
I’m the moss
Just like you; I am all
from salvation to the fall
I’m the burst of inspiration
and that deadly inclination
I’m the knife you’re looking for
I’m the droplets
on the floor.
I’m the ocean,
I’m the boat.
I’m the reason
you can’t float.
I salt the wounds and carry on,
I hum the tunes and sing the song.
I think the thoughts we wish I wouldn’t
do the things we know I shouldn’t
and every morning when I wake
I despise the hell I make.
I wish that I could stay or go
and leave this half-here state I know
I killed myself again last night
but I didn’t do it right
once again I woke to hear
that violent ringing in my ear
demanding that I rise and live.
Understanding this, I give.
I live the day out with the pain
of fighting not to stop the train.
The poem above is clearly a bit different from my previous poems. My friend Nick, when I posted this over at Collegeminds.net asked for a bit of clarification, so I’ll leave some comments with you.
This thing is chalked full of metaphors. I was feeling extremely… something. I think the best way to describe the thought process is something like monism or pantheism — which was stemming from a thought process that is eerily similar to certain flavors of Hinduism about which I was unaware at the time. (Don’t you love me for all these links?) (I know. I hate wikipedia, it’s just a standardized way to convey information that is, for the most part, accurate enough to get the job done)
ANYWAY!!
Right off the bat, I’m not talking about extinguishing my physical self, clearly. The night, at times, can be the great eraser. In the morning you are a new person. Though, ideally, we recognize that things like guilt, pain, anger, etc. are empty, it’s easier to internalize the separateness from oneself after a full night of sleep.
Lines 3 through 9 refer to the unity and sameness of all things. I suppose we could put it in the Hindu terms of Brahman. If we are all imagined extensions of an indefinable essence, we all actually theoretically mush together into the same essence. This means I am you and you are me, and we’re both the table, chairs, computer, oceans, thoughts, concepts, energy, sounds, and everything. At the same time as all this, we’re nothing. I feel/sense that way every now and then. The lines, I’m the north star and the cross. I’m the needle, I’m the moss, are all alluding to things that help you find your way; North star, southern cross, needle on a compass, moss on the tree.
As the poem concludes, I’m referring to the inability to do anything about the theoretical/mystical understanding of the universe and the actual, nominal existence we’re stuck with. There is a similar conflict facing us from a Buddhist point of view, in that the world is both empty of form and at the same time is ultimately there. We start out and the mountain is there, we study emptiness and the mountain is empty and therefore not there. Post-enlightenment/realization of Buddha-nature, we internalize the fact that the mountain is both there and not there at the same time. Looking at it now, I guess you can say that this is an unwitting expression of my frustrations at my own deluded nature. Hmm… Being frustrated about not being enlightened is one of the more foolish things you can do..
The last 4 verses talk about the drudge of following the path I’m on, while at the same time wishing I was some-one/where/thing else. The violent ringing refers to the lovely alarm clock I have… demanding that I get up and start the day.
Hmmm. That’s about all I care to elaborate on at this moment. I have a tendency to be very cryptic in my writing, so if some things are still unclear, please let me know and I’ll do my best to explain.
Thanks for reading, and may your life go well!
Topics: Philosophy | 5 Comments »
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