Recent Posts







« | Main | »

A(nother) Poem: It’s Not You. It’s Me.

By Billy | July 14, 2008

The universe seems to work most frequently in patterns.  I love watching these things play themselves out, develop, progress, and repeat themselves.  The universe is nothing but a big game of pong; evenly matched players that are both the cause and result of events.  I feel that we are each the ball in this game.  Sit back and let the game be played.  The funny thing is that I probably won’t agree with this position in a few weeks as a result of other causes and conditions.  Weeks after that, I will be back to where I am at this moment.  Maybe not.

All I’m trying to say is that I have undergone a definitive change of seasons for the time being.  (That time period is extremely random, but should probably be measured in days)  While I was on a roll (yes, a roll in my opinion can be two in a row/short period of time!) at one time with writing The Story of Brahman, then  I shifted and was very much into writing about philosophical topics, I am now in the mood to express my poetic self.

This one is written as a dialog with myself.  I don’t think there’s much more explanation required for this it.  Let’s call it: It’s Not You. It’s Me.

you laugh because it’s pointless
you laugh and feel insane
you laugh as your eyes tear up
you laugh to hide the pain

the distance you’ve created;
you and your mistakes
that’s why I’m so lonely
that’s why my heart breaks

your negativity gets to me
and makes me wish you dead
you fill my heart with apathy
and evil in my head

you laugh and then you wonder why
you laughed but wanted just to cry
“ridiculous,” you always say
that anyone should feel this way

you clench your fists and bite your lip
you’re the thorn in your own hip
you close your eyes and count your breath
you sit around and wait for death

you’re going nowhere
nowhere fast
just ignore your empty past

you beat yourself into the ground
made unsure the love you’ve found
you all too often just lose sight
keep it up and lose the fight

the cycle never ends this way
nothing else is left to say
the cycle never ends this way

I don’t really like the ending.  It does seem to reinforce the second to last line by ending so abruptly, and that is the way the solution came to me as I wrote, so I have elected not to change it.  I am usually reluctant to change poems from their original verbage in order to preserve the emotion captured in the moment.  If it continues to bother me, or if I get any encouragement from my readership to consider changing any part of it, I will do so.

That’s just about all I wanted to get across today.  Blogging rule #1 says to never vent in your blog, and since I’m still recovering from an exhausting weekend, dealing with an allergic reaction to a bee sting, having been delayed 40 minutes on the bus this morning due to traffic, and since I’m still frustrated from finding my car door wide open inviting last nights torrential rain in, I should stop typing before some sort of passive-aggressive venting comes out at the end of this post.

Since I want to end on a happy note…  Isn’t this face cute?  o_O   Yeah, I think so too.

Topics: Utterly Random | 2 Comments »

2 Responses to “A(nother) Poem: It’s Not You. It’s Me.”

  1. Lisa Says:
    July 16th, 2008 at 10:56 pm

    No venting in your blog? WTF? Who says that? Vent your ass off, I say! No wonder 3 people read my blog. (Thanks for being one of them!)

    Sorry your car door was mysteriously left open – lots of obstacles around you. Wonder what that portends?

  2. Billy Says:
    July 17th, 2008 at 8:39 am

    Okay– Venting is totally allowed, but I’m told to be careful. Especially since I’m a total noob in the work force and am working for the Federal Government atm. I’m not allowed to even publicly advertise my support for a political party. I can get in trouble if I have: Two pictures on my desk such that the picture of presidential candidate X is larger or more prominent than the picture of presidential candidate Y. Note: Those letters don’t represent chromosomes in any way.

    That being the case, I will for now leave my content such that I’d be proud to let my boss see it. (What if I let slip out a vent about work!!! O_o )