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The Breakfast Post

By Billy | July 24, 2011

I. Love. Breakfast.

If you didn’t fully comprehend the potence of the first three sentences in this post, please go reread until you completely understand how much I enjoy eating breakfast.

If only I had sexier hair and a better dress, I would make a video like this lady to talk about my passions in a more collected manner.  But I don’t so I will have to just state it in words.

Where do I start? Hm…

When I was younger I hated breakfast. I actually couldn’t stand to eat it. Not just in a childish I-don’t-like-this sort of way, but I genuinely felt sick every time I ate breakfast before school. I assume now it had something to do with the crazy pills I was on, which tore apart my appetite like a hungry breakfast eater tears into the skin of their morning peach. Whatever did it, I felt sick at the sight of food until the afternoon(, at which time I felt just about nothing. As a kid I would throw my entire lunch away before I sat down in the cafeteria, then as I grew up and knew the value of food more, I would eat the oreos, then I felt bad for wasting so much food so I started eating 6 bites in total of the ham and cheese sandwich, and giving away the oreos.). Now, thank the gods, I am cured of that affliction, (not the one I was taking medicine for, just the effects of the medicine) and in any case enjoy breakfast very thoroughly.

My dietitian informs me that protein is the most important thing to get from your breakfast. That means two Diet Cokes is not an appropriate breakfast, dad. It does seem to imply that a t-bone steak is a decent breakfast, but you might be better suited with some whole grains and some free range eggs, which have 1/3rd the cholestorol of non-free range eggs, so you can eat 4/3rds the amount of eggs!

My breakfast of choice is oats. Well, right now there’s a dove someplace nearby who hoo-hoo-hoo’s about every 4 seconds. If I hadn’t already eaten, I might consider them as a tasty alternative. Austrian people have not experienced a whipporwill, but this is bad enough. Doves really do fly past windows like they do in Disney movies (The Hunchback of Notre Dame, perhaps?) Anyway.

Today I had what we call muesli. It’s pretty much cooked oats and then whatever else — I like the “berry muesli,” which is a wild assortment of freezed dried berries which are way too intense before they’ve soaked up the milk and rehydrated + granola. Can I tell you how much I like chewing granola? It is the second best (edible) thing to chew on, following cabbage closely.

When I fill my bowl with muesli, I always fill it just a little, because I love finishing it and deciding I have room for more. It’s amazing. I like to imagine I just bought a really nice meal at a fancy restaurant, but since it’s a fancy restaurant they only give you a really tiny portion.  And, of course, if you are still hungry you have to order another ridiculously small portion to fill your stomach half way. But what’s this? The sous-chef fancy’s you and has sent you a free meal? You get to refill your bowl now, completely free of guilt or cost? OK!

Sometimes I make “om nom nom” cookie monster noises when I eat breakfast, or I will laugh at how ridiculously pleasure filled it is and how the Kingdom of Heaven is IN MY FREAKING BOWL. In Buddhism it is called “satorie,” which is a compound Sanskrit word that cannot be translated, but scholars frequently use the rough translation of “morning plate Enlightenment,” when they have no alternatives and must give some definition or description. How do you think Buddha got so fat. The fat Buddha, Siddhartha Gautama, became so fat, like most Buddhists are, because he eats so much delicious breakfast! (The story goes that Buddha was a wandering ascetic who ate mostly pine-needles for breakfast, and one day he almost died from hunger (go figure) so a girl took him and gave him some “berry muesli,” and he was rejuvenated. As he reclined under what is now known as the Bodhi Tree, he burped and became enlightened.)

Seriously. Berry Muesli won this morning in a competition between “Do I want to go back to sleep?” and “Do I want to eat Berry Muesli.” I got 6 hours of sleep and would rather eat Berry Muesli than finish the sleep schedule. I even like writing about how much I like Berry Muesli so much that I haven’t taken my nap yet.

Sometimes between chews and swallows I think (oh my god!) like the lady in video I linked to. The Bermueslian word for “oh my god!” is, “mmmmm.” I think I’m almost fluent in the language.


So my excitement has died down a little bit and NOW I’m ready for my nap.

Before I forget, I think you should ALL watch this trailer for this movie. It’s one of the best movies I’ve ever seen.
It sounds like the first words in the trailer are a VERY thick Indian accent saying “a robot!” but it’s actually a not so bad Indian accent from a robot saying , “hello world,” which I think is clever. It took a non-native English speaker to catch that, though.


Topics: Philosophy | Comments Off on The Breakfast Post

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