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a humble return to existence

By Billy | September 29, 2008

Is it worse to have too much to do or too little to do? No, I suppose I am making distinctions there and that feels, for whatever reason, like the wrong path to follow. Bah. Wrong path. Another distinction. Why do I feel making no distinctions is better than making distinctions? Perhaps when I grasp this concept, I will be a Buddha. (Why would one want to be a Buddha in a distinctionless existence!?) Augh!

You see that? That is perhaps the exact reason I haven’t been updating Rumbelow in so darn long. I have been plagued by various terrrrrrible (and empty) things that have ruined my study, sleeping, eating, and living habits. One monster is the source of all this; life.  She is confusing, she is overwhelming, she is… gah.  She is life.

I have so, so, sooooo much to write, but I need to study study study, instead. I will leave one of the countless poems I have written up for you now, and tell you guys later about my day of blindness, my tattoo, my trip to an independent music festival (and therefore the discovery of countless amazing musicians), the various daily lessons I keep learning, as well as introduce some new quirks I have picked up in the past weeks.

As for now, I’ll leave the poem. Before that— little thing of the day that reminds me that life is good: I saw two turtles basking in the sun on a rock. =D

This poem is about the most beautiful leaf I have ever had the privilege of holding in my hand. Leaves are such good reminders of the ephemeral nature of this supposed existence.

A leaf

In dying she became her most true self

Her colors just bled out

Nothing left to hide, she shed



Of doubt

“This is who I am!” She’d scream

“This is who I’ve been.

Now my veins have just stopped working

Resistance grows so thin.”

And even in her fragile state

Her spirit yearned to soar.

“Not with me here,” I’d reply

You don’t need me any more.

As autumn changes all your colors

I deny your failing health.

Yet you embrace the changing season

and embrace your perfect self.

More to come. Much, much more to be said.

P.S.  Happy Jewish New Year!

Topics: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

One Response to “a humble return to existence”

  1. Brannon Says:
    October 5th, 2008 at 2:17 pm

    Hi Billy. I hope your enjoying the Jewish New Year so far. I can definitely relate to what you are saying about life… I suppose she=life would not be doing her job if she didn’t release those characteristics on us (confusing, overwhelming etc.) A universal characteristic among all of humanity is that we all have or will experience life’s joys, pleasures, pains, and struggles.
    This entry gave me a small glimpse of why you refer to yourself as Mr. Empty G…
    Btw: I enjoyed your poem. A nice way to think about nature and relate it to one aspect of the human condititon.