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I know you’re out there
By Billy | September 13, 2009
I used to wake up an hour earlier than usual before elementary school and high school — perhaps once a month, sometimes every day for a week or two. I’d go running. I remember beginning the conversation, “OK. Hi, God. Let’s talk.” These were fairly simple conversations, I thought. Conversations that were very one sided. I thought. God sat on his cloud and hadn’t really spoken to anyone in about 2,305 years. I thought.
After I ran a few miles without a particular direction (which so clearly mimics my life: going someplace I don’t know where, but not taking my time while doing it), I’d return home, tired and sweaty. Then, I thought.
Those conversations invariably held words like, “what am I doing?” “where am I supposed to go?” “help me find my…” “why haven’t you…!”
I am still unsure of where I am going, and I’m still moving fast. The differences are that now I realize the two-way nature of the conversation. I appreciate the responses I get, as ineffable, frustratingly vague (gah! ;P ), painfully disarming, rudely awakening, and completely open ended as they are. I appreciate them, and I am thankful for them.
Beyond that, I also have begun to realize the profundity of the time I have left in this worldly body. If you’re reading this, you are alive. Take a deep breath and let that resonate in your skull for a moment. You. Are. Alive.
Alive. Thinking. Capable. Strong. You are these, and I am too.
I want to say that this is a ‘once in a lifetime opportunity.’ FALSE. This is a possibility that comes once in infinite numbers of lifetimes. An opportunity to do what, you ask? Anything! The things you didn’t think were in the realm of your possibilities, the things you’ve been afraid to tell people you want to do, the things you were told you couldn’t, shouldn’t, or wouldn’t do.
This is life. This is LIFE. This IS life. THIS is life. Look. This is your one chance. Really. The time you’re spending looking at these pixels… Right this very second.
I have grown weary of the emptiness I feel when I ask God/the universe/myself, “What am I going to do with my life.” The answer has simultaneously avoided me, begged me to chase it, and revealed itself to me in every moment of every day.
What am I going to do with my life? Whatever I want to do. I am prepared fully to follow my soulcall with reckless abandon.
What am I going to do with my life? Live.
Topics: This is my life | Comments Off on I know you’re out there
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